amesplaza

i’m not feeling like myself
i’m feeling soulless,
lifeless….
i, like legos, can be disconnected.
i am not the same person i used to be.
i am disconnected.
and i’m trying to find my place in this mess.
there is laundry piling up around me
and food rolling in my stomach from eating too much.
breathing takes more work than it used to
and sometimes i feel like it’s a concious effort
to make my heart beat.
i lift my legs slowly when i walk
though the shoes weigh nothing close to concrete.
the sidewalk seems to move against me.
the cold eats away at my hair and skin and lips.
the cigarettes seems to disappear
and the words seem to get lost inside me these days.
it’s not that i dislike myself
it’s not that i dislike people.
i just dislike the annoying habits
and the stupidity
and the naivity
and the inability of girls my age to just act with dignity.
where is the self respect?
and where are the girls who don’t need the attention
of every guy she’s ever known?
i sometimes wonder if i am one of them
or if it’s just this place is taking it’s shitty toll on me.
i think i’m going to disappear into the walls of my dorm
just melt like candle wax
and crumble like play dough left out by careless children
so you can sweep me away.
i will be happy then.

<3

ames plaza

[antisocial bitchface]

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