amesplaza

the room is dark
and there are hands moving.
there are lips touching.
and i’ve had way more than a bottle of wine.
i forgot how much he’d had.
i took all the neccessary precautions-
lock doors, text roomie, he found a condom.
but here i am.
and i know that i don’t really want it-
i feel so disconnected in this life.
i have no emotional attachment
but there’s now some sort of physical one.
please let me turn back those hours
so i wouldn’t wake up at seven am
and realize that he had left
with not so much as a goodbye.
i dressed myself,
washed my soiled hands,
and returned to that filthy bed
to try and sleep away the memory.

it lingers.
i think it was rape.
i never consented.

<3

ames plaza

i don’t capitalize.